This would not be an accurate record if all I wrote about were the highlights of this transition. There are many wonderful things that happen everyday, but I wouldn't fool anyone, not even myself, if I said this is always easy.
Blessing was on one this morning - she was very belligerent, wouldn't listen and would smart mouth me and yell "I know" or "I am," when it was quite obvious that she didn't and wasn't. It worries me because she was so awful and disruptive at school on Friday that they sent her home. I hope the teacher isn't in for a rough day. I left a message on her phone telling her to call me if things got bad. I pray I don't get a call, but I am bracing for it.
One of the issues with adopting a 12 year old boy is that they think they know everything. It is hard to correct certain behaviors without Theo getting a bit defensive. This morning it was trimming his toenails in the kitchen without a garbage can to catch the clippings. I try and pick my battles. Should I ask him to do that in the bathroom, over a garbage can, or both? I picked the garbage can to start with, "Please do that over a garbage can, Theo." He looked at me, nodded, and continued doing what he was doing!!! Kyle stepped in after that.
The other day I made breakfast: German pancakes - the kids all LOVE them!!! I asked Theo to use a fork 3 times before he actually complied, but I got the stink eye first.
I am sure this is tough on them in a lot of ways. Things that are important to us (like using the garbage can instead of the floor for paper and wrappers) have not been a priority for them. I am sure sometimes they feel like there is a new rule every time they turn around. However, we have missed 8 and 12 years of teaching them how to be acceptable in society. That's a lot of catching up to do. Like all children, they are very receptive to the privileges of their new lives, but not as keen on the responsibilities. . .
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
Some Happy Times
We took the kids to an indoor poor on Saturday. Theo said he had been swimming before, but it was a completely new and very loved experience for Blessing. Doesn't she look like she is having fun?
Hanging on to Chloe for dear life:
The kids are also liking the backyard now that the weather is a little warmer. Hooray for a slide and a swing!!!
Hanging on to Chloe for dear life:
The kids are also liking the backyard now that the weather is a little warmer. Hooray for a slide and a swing!!!
More "Suffering" in Liberia and the Joy of Making Money
Two nights ago, Theo started the conversation with, "Mom, many children are suffering in Liberia."
I asked him about what kind of suffering he was referring. He proceeded to tell me that many girls are forced by poor families to have "boyfriends" when they are only 12 years old and that then by 15 they are having babies. He added, "So, children are having children."
I asked him if the girls are having boyfriends for money and he said yes.
I then told him that was called prostitution. Sadly, he was familiar with the word.
He asked me if there is prostitution in America. I had to tell him the sad truth, but I did tell him it is mostly illegal and that for some women it is actually a choice . . .
After that he asked me about how old people have to be in America to have girl/boyfriends and I told him that in our family we don't even date until we are 16. That was bit of a shock for him.
On a good note, Theo felt the joy of earning money for some jobs he did for me the other day. For a kid who has never seen a vacuum, he does a thorough excellent job!!! $5.00 made him grin his head off and wiggle with happiness as he said, "I have never had $5.00 in my life!!!!"
I asked him about what kind of suffering he was referring. He proceeded to tell me that many girls are forced by poor families to have "boyfriends" when they are only 12 years old and that then by 15 they are having babies. He added, "So, children are having children."
I asked him if the girls are having boyfriends for money and he said yes.
I then told him that was called prostitution. Sadly, he was familiar with the word.
He asked me if there is prostitution in America. I had to tell him the sad truth, but I did tell him it is mostly illegal and that for some women it is actually a choice . . .
After that he asked me about how old people have to be in America to have girl/boyfriends and I told him that in our family we don't even date until we are 16. That was bit of a shock for him.
On a good note, Theo felt the joy of earning money for some jobs he did for me the other day. For a kid who has never seen a vacuum, he does a thorough excellent job!!! $5.00 made him grin his head off and wiggle with happiness as he said, "I have never had $5.00 in my life!!!!"
Sunday, March 13, 2011
I am off the hook!
So, we were watching American Idol this past week and the beginning has a big entry for the judges now. In walks 41 year old Jennifer Lopez. Like her or not, you have to admit she is beautiful. So, I comment, "that's what I want to look like when I grow up."Theo pipes in with "No, Mom! That woman is NOT a mother. She does not look like a mother. You cannot look like that."
That does it, doesn't it? I am off the hook. I do not have to nor should I look like Jennifer Lopez. What a relief!
P.S. Theo also informed me that night that his favorite shows are Extreme Home Makeover, American Idol and The Fat People. (That would be Biggest Looser.)
Friday, March 11, 2011
4 out of 7
Do You Remember Punky Brewster?
Here is Blessing strutting her stuff in her Hip Hop class. She is quite a mover and shaker and has a lot of spunk and rhythm. She is also usually smiling from ear to ear, but this part of the choreography she is supposed to be looking kind of street tough.
Do you love the socks? Blessing has her own sense of style and color and I let her roll with it. I also secretly love it! Do you remember Punky Brewster?
Do you love the socks? Blessing has her own sense of style and color and I let her roll with it. I also secretly love it! Do you remember Punky Brewster?
This made me happy :)
I went to put laundry away in the girls' room the other day and this is what I saw: my two baby girls playing as sweet as can be with their Littlest Pet Shop toys. How cute are they???
Teddy Bear
Theo: I could tell people I am 16 and they would believe me.
Me: Well, maybe 14, but I don't know about 16.
Theo: Yes, mom, I could tell them I am 21 and they would believe me!
Me: Theo, you do look older than 12, but you don't look that old.
Theo: Yes mom. I do. (brief pause) Mom, do you have Teddy Bear?
Me: A Teddy Bear?
Theo: Yes. May I have a Teddy Bear for my bed?
Me: Yes Theo. I think we can get you a Teddy Bear. (smirk in my head)
Me: Well, maybe 14, but I don't know about 16.
Theo: Yes, mom, I could tell them I am 21 and they would believe me!
Me: Theo, you do look older than 12, but you don't look that old.
Theo: Yes mom. I do. (brief pause) Mom, do you have Teddy Bear?
Me: A Teddy Bear?
Theo: Yes. May I have a Teddy Bear for my bed?
Me: Yes Theo. I think we can get you a Teddy Bear. (smirk in my head)
A Question of Ethics
Ben told me yesterday that his friend found a working cell phone on the street. When I asked him if he had found the owner, he told me that his friend had just smashed the phone on the road. I told him I thought that was not the right thing to do.
Well, Theo piped in with the opinion that Ben's friend should have kept the phone. I told him that the friend should have tried to find the owner and returned the phone. Theo thought I was crazy. "No mom, if you find a phone, you should keep it."
What followed was a conversation on honesty, integrity, and doing what is right no matter how small it may seem to you.
His point on the matter, was that it is different in Liberia because not everyone has a phone. So, if you find one, you should keep it because you need it. I as an American could afford my ethics, because I had everything.
In the end I had to ask him if someone left their car somewhere with the keys in it, did someone else have the right to take it. He said no. I added the fact that the person taking the car didn't have one and really needed it. Then would it be right to take the car? He still said no.
The difference in his mind was now the size of the object being taken or kept. So, we talked about the commandment about stealing and I asked him if he thought Heavenly Father had a different commandment based on the size of the object. He finally conceded the point and said that to God taking or keeping something small or large is the same.
We ended with one last example. If he lost his soccer ball, would he want it returned or kept by the person who found it??? I think I got through . . . at least I hope so.
Well, Theo piped in with the opinion that Ben's friend should have kept the phone. I told him that the friend should have tried to find the owner and returned the phone. Theo thought I was crazy. "No mom, if you find a phone, you should keep it."
What followed was a conversation on honesty, integrity, and doing what is right no matter how small it may seem to you.
His point on the matter, was that it is different in Liberia because not everyone has a phone. So, if you find one, you should keep it because you need it. I as an American could afford my ethics, because I had everything.
In the end I had to ask him if someone left their car somewhere with the keys in it, did someone else have the right to take it. He said no. I added the fact that the person taking the car didn't have one and really needed it. Then would it be right to take the car? He still said no.
The difference in his mind was now the size of the object being taken or kept. So, we talked about the commandment about stealing and I asked him if he thought Heavenly Father had a different commandment based on the size of the object. He finally conceded the point and said that to God taking or keeping something small or large is the same.
We ended with one last example. If he lost his soccer ball, would he want it returned or kept by the person who found it??? I think I got through . . . at least I hope so.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Are you hearing what I am saying????
"STOWT" Can you guess what this word is to Theo and Blessing? I'll give you a hint: You have it at breakfast. This is their word for toast. Now I need to let you know that they never had toast in Liberia. This is a new food and a new word to them. I say toast, they hear Stowt? Ain't life grand?
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
"Who beat him?" and "You stuffed my gut!"
The other day, Ben did not behave well at school and I reprimanded him - which in our world means we had a little chat. He was feeling bad and was crying when Blessing came in, "Ben is crying," she stated and then questioned, "Who beat him?"
I explained to her again that we don't beat our children. To which she replied, "I know. You are a good mother." That made me happy.
However, the beating issue is at the core of some problems that we are experiencing. Theo has made me aware that beatings were frequent and severe in the foster home and they were often given with little to no provocation. According to Theo they often raised welts on his skin. This makes me absolutely sick!!
One of the problems that arose in school the other day was Blessing punched a child that made her angry. This is how she has been taught to deal with anger. It is not and acceptable way to handle things. I was hopeful, after I asked her if she wanted to grow up to be like "Aunty F," the woman in the foster home that carried out many of the punishments. She gave me an emphatic "NO" and began to cry. I explained that we need to start now while she is young to not hit, so she will not hit little children when she is older. She seemed to understand.
The other problem is trying to find discipline that gets through to the kids when they need to be corrected. At first they really didn't respond to things like time outs, because they have been a little hardened by their experience. But, things are getting better. They are apologetic quicker and try to be better even with the less extreme measures. They are really both very good kids at the core and are capable of responding to loving discipline, maybe not as fast as I would like, but they are learning.
Last night, I made a mini Thanksgiving dinner for Family Home Evening. At the end Theo informed me that I had "stuffed his gut." He then added, "Thanks mom." Today after dinner, homemade lasagna, the kids were all praise for the meal and Blessing informed me that, "Yes, you do a good job!"
I don't know why, but when she says things like that and the good mother comment, I just tear up. It gives me happy milestones along this very unique journey :)
I explained to her again that we don't beat our children. To which she replied, "I know. You are a good mother." That made me happy.
However, the beating issue is at the core of some problems that we are experiencing. Theo has made me aware that beatings were frequent and severe in the foster home and they were often given with little to no provocation. According to Theo they often raised welts on his skin. This makes me absolutely sick!!
One of the problems that arose in school the other day was Blessing punched a child that made her angry. This is how she has been taught to deal with anger. It is not and acceptable way to handle things. I was hopeful, after I asked her if she wanted to grow up to be like "Aunty F," the woman in the foster home that carried out many of the punishments. She gave me an emphatic "NO" and began to cry. I explained that we need to start now while she is young to not hit, so she will not hit little children when she is older. She seemed to understand.
The other problem is trying to find discipline that gets through to the kids when they need to be corrected. At first they really didn't respond to things like time outs, because they have been a little hardened by their experience. But, things are getting better. They are apologetic quicker and try to be better even with the less extreme measures. They are really both very good kids at the core and are capable of responding to loving discipline, maybe not as fast as I would like, but they are learning.
Last night, I made a mini Thanksgiving dinner for Family Home Evening. At the end Theo informed me that I had "stuffed his gut." He then added, "Thanks mom." Today after dinner, homemade lasagna, the kids were all praise for the meal and Blessing informed me that, "Yes, you do a good job!"
I don't know why, but when she says things like that and the good mother comment, I just tear up. It gives me happy milestones along this very unique journey :)
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Mostly Smiling Faces
So, there have definitely been some rough moments these last few weeks, but I just went through my camera and noticed a lot of smiling faces. It made me realize that the good is really outweighing the difficult.First: Below are pictures from the Planetarium:
Next we have some shots of making Valentines and Valentine boxes:
Here is a good example of a bad hair day that I was complaining about, but we are still smiling :)
Here are the kids playing dress up. Yes my son is dressing up too. Three happy smiling faces.
Finally, here is my very naughty 18 month old. Doesn't she look happy and pleased with herself in all of her naughty-I-am-exactly-where-I-am-not-supposed-to-be glory? Life is good. Hard moments, but pretty good!
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