This is an issue!
Theo and Blessing feel bothered that the other kids have so many toys.
It is impossible financially to catch them up on 7-12 years of birthdays and holidays in one months time.
T&B often ask for things just to have them. I have bough them both books that they have asked for and not read. T asked for a random movie just to have it. We have well over 100 movies at our house that he hasn't even watched.
Theo is a bull in a China shop and breaks things frequently.
The other kids don't want their things broken and are reluctant to share.
I have instructed the kids to share and Theo to be careful, but there are still very obvious bad feelings on both ends.
This STRESSES me out! I understand both points of view. I feel for them all, but they are going to have to DEAL!
Any advice cyber world?
Monday, February 28, 2011
My Therapy Session
So, I have 20 minutes to have this little therapy session with myself. I need it. It has been a roller coaster ride these last two weeks as we dealt with continued adjustments and the passing of Kyle's mom Kaye. (For more on that see our family blog)
It has been a difficult and at times unsuccessful balancing act, helping the three kids that were feeling the loss of someone they have known and loved all their lives with the needs of two children who are completely new to our lives and who had met Kaye exactly once at the airport. Plus there is the baby that had all her normal needs and was oblivious to the fact that her mom was strung tight as a fiddle.
Outside of the funeral preparations I have felt several times that the danger of raising six kids is that it gives you much more opportunity to fail colossally! However, there have been a few high points too:
Watching and helping the kids get ready for Valentines Day was fun. Theo and Blessing really loved decorating their boxes and filling out the cards for their classmates. They loved even more coming back with a pile of candy. It was a new experience for them.
The low point of Valentines was all of my children accusing each other of stealing candy from them - mostly the boys. They could not get the concept that the other might have received the same type of candy. I had to get the class lists out and show them by the names on the candy that they had actually received the candy from someone in their class.
Another high point has been a few trips to the Trafalga Fun Center for which we have family passes. Watching Blessing on the Frogger ride is a hoot! At first she looked like she would cry and she was calling me in a rather panicked voice, but I just kept smiling and waving at her and by the end of the ride she just got right back on again. Theo was pretty cautious on the rock climbing wall at first. It is about 40-45 feet tall. He only made it up half way the first time, but after that he made it all the way. The whole family loves the Laser tag, which is the biggest in the state and 17th in the country.
The low point was Theo feeling ripped off and persecuted because Ben spends his time gaining tickets at the arcade and comes home with a load of junk toys. He thought I had bought the toys and was some how not treating him fairly. We explained to him about tickets and how to earn them, but even the next time he made other choices and was ticked that Ben came home with stuff, even though Ben had used some of his tickets to buy Theo a treat.
We have gotten Theo on a soccer team, which is his main goal in life - to play soccer. His first game was postponed. I don't know who was more disappointed: Theo, me or Ben. That seemed to really touch a chord in Theo - that Ben was so disappointed that he couldn't watch him play. The game is later this week and I will hope for a good time.
With all the focus on getting Theo and Blessing situated, I have started planning some one on one time with the other kids to help them with the adjustment. I took Chloe to lunch last week in the middle of school, another day I brought Zach one of his favorite shakes to school for lunch. Ben has gone early with me to the food co-op on Saturdays and I take him out to breakfast.
The days that I remember to ask for help in my prayers are definitely more successful than the days when I forget. Seriously, there is a noticeable definable difference. I really need to make more time to seek Heavenly help, but time has become a luxury that is very hard to obtain!
I used to think that the time to read a book was a luxury. Or the time to do my nails. I was wrong! The true luxury that I never appreciated before is the time to dry my hair! I get up early and get a shower in, but before I can dry my hair I have kids with needs! By the time I get back to the hair dryer, it is too late. My hair is an irrecoverable flat on top fuzzy on the ends mess. Pony tail again?
I might really need therapy soon.
It has been a difficult and at times unsuccessful balancing act, helping the three kids that were feeling the loss of someone they have known and loved all their lives with the needs of two children who are completely new to our lives and who had met Kaye exactly once at the airport. Plus there is the baby that had all her normal needs and was oblivious to the fact that her mom was strung tight as a fiddle.
Outside of the funeral preparations I have felt several times that the danger of raising six kids is that it gives you much more opportunity to fail colossally! However, there have been a few high points too:
Watching and helping the kids get ready for Valentines Day was fun. Theo and Blessing really loved decorating their boxes and filling out the cards for their classmates. They loved even more coming back with a pile of candy. It was a new experience for them.
The low point of Valentines was all of my children accusing each other of stealing candy from them - mostly the boys. They could not get the concept that the other might have received the same type of candy. I had to get the class lists out and show them by the names on the candy that they had actually received the candy from someone in their class.
Another high point has been a few trips to the Trafalga Fun Center for which we have family passes. Watching Blessing on the Frogger ride is a hoot! At first she looked like she would cry and she was calling me in a rather panicked voice, but I just kept smiling and waving at her and by the end of the ride she just got right back on again. Theo was pretty cautious on the rock climbing wall at first. It is about 40-45 feet tall. He only made it up half way the first time, but after that he made it all the way. The whole family loves the Laser tag, which is the biggest in the state and 17th in the country.
The low point was Theo feeling ripped off and persecuted because Ben spends his time gaining tickets at the arcade and comes home with a load of junk toys. He thought I had bought the toys and was some how not treating him fairly. We explained to him about tickets and how to earn them, but even the next time he made other choices and was ticked that Ben came home with stuff, even though Ben had used some of his tickets to buy Theo a treat.
We have gotten Theo on a soccer team, which is his main goal in life - to play soccer. His first game was postponed. I don't know who was more disappointed: Theo, me or Ben. That seemed to really touch a chord in Theo - that Ben was so disappointed that he couldn't watch him play. The game is later this week and I will hope for a good time.
With all the focus on getting Theo and Blessing situated, I have started planning some one on one time with the other kids to help them with the adjustment. I took Chloe to lunch last week in the middle of school, another day I brought Zach one of his favorite shakes to school for lunch. Ben has gone early with me to the food co-op on Saturdays and I take him out to breakfast.
The days that I remember to ask for help in my prayers are definitely more successful than the days when I forget. Seriously, there is a noticeable definable difference. I really need to make more time to seek Heavenly help, but time has become a luxury that is very hard to obtain!
I used to think that the time to read a book was a luxury. Or the time to do my nails. I was wrong! The true luxury that I never appreciated before is the time to dry my hair! I get up early and get a shower in, but before I can dry my hair I have kids with needs! By the time I get back to the hair dryer, it is too late. My hair is an irrecoverable flat on top fuzzy on the ends mess. Pony tail again?
I might really need therapy soon.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
They did what!?!? and "My mommy loves me."
Rough day yesterday. Blessing likes to take things that don't belong to her - especially from Ben.
I don't want to sound like a mom who justifies her child's bad behavior, but I do look at this as I would a four year old taking something rather than an eight year old taking something. Nevertheless, stealing is serious and needed to be addressed.
I really couldn't be sure that I was getting through to Blessing, because she went into the Liberian pout mode where she would neither look at me or respond to my questions.
I put her in time out in her room while I tried to figure out how to handle the situation.
Theo seemed very upset with Blessing and kept telling me that Blessing was very rude and that she acted like this at the foster home all the time. So, I thought maybe there might be a more familiar way to get through to Blessing and I asked Theo what the foster mothers at the home would do when Blessing behaved this way. His response:
"They would beat her."
I did not ask for details or clarification and I wonder if the horror showed on my face when I answered, "well, I am NOT going to beat her!"
I went in to talk to Blessing a little later and told her what Theo had said and asked her if it were true. She nodded affirmatively with big brown eyes. I hugged her and told her that I would never hurt her and that I loved her very much. We went and ate dinner and curled up on the couch to watch American Idol as a family. She fell asleep sucking her thumb and I carried her up to bed.
When I tucked her in she woke up a little. I kissed her goodnight and said, "Hey Blessing, Guess what?"
"My mommy loves me," she answered and closed her eyes.
Yes, my sweet girl Mommy does.
I don't want to sound like a mom who justifies her child's bad behavior, but I do look at this as I would a four year old taking something rather than an eight year old taking something. Nevertheless, stealing is serious and needed to be addressed.
I really couldn't be sure that I was getting through to Blessing, because she went into the Liberian pout mode where she would neither look at me or respond to my questions.
I put her in time out in her room while I tried to figure out how to handle the situation.
Theo seemed very upset with Blessing and kept telling me that Blessing was very rude and that she acted like this at the foster home all the time. So, I thought maybe there might be a more familiar way to get through to Blessing and I asked Theo what the foster mothers at the home would do when Blessing behaved this way. His response:
"They would beat her."
I did not ask for details or clarification and I wonder if the horror showed on my face when I answered, "well, I am NOT going to beat her!"
I went in to talk to Blessing a little later and told her what Theo had said and asked her if it were true. She nodded affirmatively with big brown eyes. I hugged her and told her that I would never hurt her and that I loved her very much. We went and ate dinner and curled up on the couch to watch American Idol as a family. She fell asleep sucking her thumb and I carried her up to bed.
When I tucked her in she woke up a little. I kissed her goodnight and said, "Hey Blessing, Guess what?"
"My mommy loves me," she answered and closed her eyes.
Yes, my sweet girl Mommy does.
Ben and Blessing
Okay, there have definitely been some conflicts between these two very large and in charge little people. They both like to tell other people what to do. They both like to "help," which often means they are in each others way or competing. My first assessment was that they are very much alike, but I have been changing my mind.
They might have been very much alike if they weren't raised in two very different worlds, under horribly different circumstances.
The trouble comes with the fact that they look at each other and see a physical peer, but they are very far from being emotional peers. Ben is 7 with a lifetime of care support, education and an exceptional brain. He is in many ways more mature than his years. Blessing is 8. Her mom died when she was 4 and she seems to have stalled at that age in many ways. She still sucks her thumb, has little emotional breakdowns and is very needy. There was not a lot of ways for her to heal emotionally in a home with 20+ kids at all times and no adult that was interested in her particular well being.
Now, I still have high hopes for their relationship. In the morning when Ben leaves for school, they always say I love you and good bye to each other and they include each other in their prayers. I think that things will calm down when they are both secure with themselves and their individual places in our family.
They might have been very much alike if they weren't raised in two very different worlds, under horribly different circumstances.
The trouble comes with the fact that they look at each other and see a physical peer, but they are very far from being emotional peers. Ben is 7 with a lifetime of care support, education and an exceptional brain. He is in many ways more mature than his years. Blessing is 8. Her mom died when she was 4 and she seems to have stalled at that age in many ways. She still sucks her thumb, has little emotional breakdowns and is very needy. There was not a lot of ways for her to heal emotionally in a home with 20+ kids at all times and no adult that was interested in her particular well being.
Now, I still have high hopes for their relationship. In the morning when Ben leaves for school, they always say I love you and good bye to each other and they include each other in their prayers. I think that things will calm down when they are both secure with themselves and their individual places in our family.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Worlds without end . . .
Theo and I studied for a science test yesterday after school. I was amazed as I watched him grasp concepts of things that he had never even conceived! He had never heard of a galaxy, a solar system, the universe. He knew about the sun and the earth. He never learned about other planets and their names.
My mind kept flashing to a well worn Blue's Clues tape that Zachary loved when he was little and the jingle that helped him learn the names of the planets.
I watched Theo concentrate hard as we discussed what a light year is and how fast light travels in one second of time (186,000 miles per second). We looked at numbers that were so large he didn't know their names: trillion, billion.
I was so proud when he woke up this morning and wanted to go over all the facts again, checking his spelling, asking questions. So much information could be discouraging, but for Theo it seemed to spark this determination to know more, to understand, to excel.
It made me want to read a book, discover something new, expand my mind just a little. It made me thankful to live in a world where there is so much to learn.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
FHE
On Monday nights we have Family Home Evening. We discuss any family issues, read an inspirational story, play a game and have a treat. It isn't an exacting science, but we are pretty consistent.
The game last night was Pounce. One person is the cat and rolls two dice and calls out two numbers. If either of the two numbers show up on the dice, the cat may pounce. Everyone else has their mouse on a string and watches carefully in order to pull the mouse away before the cat pounces.
You must not pull your mouse away if the numbers rolled are not the ones called.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Hard Painful Truth
Theo has been asking me about the parents of the children waiting in the AFAA home in Liberia. He asks me if I know them and where they live and if it is close so he can see them when they come home.
He is not a slow child and he has asked me point blank about some of the children that he knows that their parents have given up hope. It hurts to have to admit that some of his friends have no one waiting and without a lift on this moratorium, there will be no one to take the place of the parents that have moved on.
He is particularly worried about his friend Surprise and his brother Thomas.
I was happy today to hear that a wonderful generous friend of a family that has not given up hope has donated the funds to keep the home open for another 6 months while we wait for the moratorium to lift. For some of these children, there is no place left for them to go. If the home closes, they are homeless without families.
This is the link to the pictures I took in Liberia. Only 6 of these children still have waiting families.These are the children that we are worried about. Please keep them in your prayers.
http://www2.snapfish.com/snapfish/thumbnailshare/AlbumID=6773019013/a=127686400_127686400/otsc=SHR/otsi=SALBlink/COBRAND_NAME=snapfish/
Peace, Quiet, and a Little Bit of Guilt
So, today Theo and Blessing started school. The house this morning seems very quiet. If it weren't for Sophie the only noise would be the sound of my somewhat squeaky dryer.
Since Sophie is screaming her head off right now because I will not let her wipe her cheese ball fingers on my couch and am insisting she finishes them in her high chair, I am thinking that preschool should start at age 2!
But, I digress. Theo and Blessing are in school. They wanted to go to real school desperately. My initial plan was to take the eight months before the new school year and work with them to get them more up to speed. However, they wanted to be with kids their own age in school.
I can't blame them. They have been in a home most of their lives. Theo has had very few peers and the last little while has been with "babies." He told me that the home had been a happy place for him in the beginning, and even though he "will play with any child," he wants to be with kids his own age.
There is a little bit of guilt in this for me. I know that, academically speaking, I could do more to get them caught up than even the very best teacher. Because, after all, that very best teacher has 30 other kids in his/her class. I could have insisted. I could have made the decision to home school them and stuck with it. I didn't. Maybe this is because they wanted this, but maybe this is because this is just easier for me.
Mom guilt! I really hate it!
Since Sophie is screaming her head off right now because I will not let her wipe her cheese ball fingers on my couch and am insisting she finishes them in her high chair, I am thinking that preschool should start at age 2!
But, I digress. Theo and Blessing are in school. They wanted to go to real school desperately. My initial plan was to take the eight months before the new school year and work with them to get them more up to speed. However, they wanted to be with kids their own age in school.
I can't blame them. They have been in a home most of their lives. Theo has had very few peers and the last little while has been with "babies." He told me that the home had been a happy place for him in the beginning, and even though he "will play with any child," he wants to be with kids his own age.
There is a little bit of guilt in this for me. I know that, academically speaking, I could do more to get them caught up than even the very best teacher. Because, after all, that very best teacher has 30 other kids in his/her class. I could have insisted. I could have made the decision to home school them and stuck with it. I didn't. Maybe this is because they wanted this, but maybe this is because this is just easier for me.
Mom guilt! I really hate it!
Saturday, February 5, 2011
HA HA HA HA !!! A knock knock joke lesson.
Kyle asked Theo at dinner tonight if he knew what a knock knock joke was. When Theo looked bewildered, Kyle gave him and example with Zach:
Kyle: knock knock
Zach: Who's there?
Kyle: Ach
Zach: Ach who
Kyle: Bless you.
Then he wanted Theo to try one with him:
Kyle: knock knock
Theo: Who is there?
Kyle: Nobody
Theo: Ahchoo!
The funniest part is I am not quite sure this wasn't Theo just being funny. He has a very dry sense of wit.
I haven't heard Kyle laugh so hard in a long time :)
Kyle: knock knock
Zach: Who's there?
Kyle: Ach
Zach: Ach who
Kyle: Bless you.
Then he wanted Theo to try one with him:
Kyle: knock knock
Theo: Who is there?
Kyle: Nobody
Theo: Ahchoo!
The funniest part is I am not quite sure this wasn't Theo just being funny. He has a very dry sense of wit.
I haven't heard Kyle laugh so hard in a long time :)
Friday, February 4, 2011
Sunday Clothes
I wish I could have taken a whole family picture on Sunday, but Chloe was sick and in bed when I took these shots.
Saturday we went out for church clothes for the kids. This was a big deal to them. Theo has asked me for church clothes in his letters frequently. So here are most of my handsome family in their Sunday finery.
"She is fessed with you"
So yesterday was productive. I took Theo and Blessing to their check up for school and then we went to the school and met with the principal and their teachers. We even stopped at the book fair and they each picked a book.
We returned home for lunch and they were starving! They each had a piece of pizza stromboli and a large helping of "African Salad." (This is a favorite of theirs: boiled potatoes, boiled eggs, and chopped up hot dogs served warm with mayonnaise - totally gross to me but Nirvana to them.)
Theo was still hungry and asked for a hot dog. So, I started heating two up - one for him and one to split between Kyle and Sophie. When they came out, Blessing wanted one too.
Now, I have noticed that Blessing will eat non stop if given the opportunity and am realizing that without portion control that she is going to end up a very unhealthy young lady. These were huge Costco hot dogs!
So, I gave Theo (5ft 4 inches tall and 106lbs) a whole hot dog and Blessing (49 inches tall and 54lbs) half a hot dog. I told her she could have more if she was still hungry when she was finished.
Well, I guess this is what set off another pouting session. She wouldn't talk to me look at me or even answer me when I asked her if she was full. Theo then informed me that "Blessing is fessed with you."
Side note: Some knowledge of older English words is helpful in understanding Liberian English. "Fessed" is the way they say "vexed" which means angry.
Theo kept trying to get Blessing to answer him as he asked her if she was full and if she wanted more food. Suddenly, I had had enough. I explained to both of them that even if Blessing answered Theo's question, she would not be given anything else to eat until she showed me proper respect and answered me and asked me nicely.
I explained that I was now "fessed" as well. That Blessing had not thanked me for preparing lunch and was treating me badly. Theo said she did this all the time at the foster home and that she was very stubborn. I let him know that I was stubborn too.
Well, Blessing stewed for a while. About an hour later Theo had some chocolate milk and she asked him for some. I reminded her kindly and gently that she was not having anymore food until dinner unless she talked to me and was respectful.
She lasted another half an hour after that before she asked very nicely for more hot dog and after that she returned to her happy thankful chatty self.
I love that little girl so much, but she is going to need some pretty firm guidance to be able to function with people.
We returned home for lunch and they were starving! They each had a piece of pizza stromboli and a large helping of "African Salad." (This is a favorite of theirs: boiled potatoes, boiled eggs, and chopped up hot dogs served warm with mayonnaise - totally gross to me but Nirvana to them.)
Theo was still hungry and asked for a hot dog. So, I started heating two up - one for him and one to split between Kyle and Sophie. When they came out, Blessing wanted one too.
Now, I have noticed that Blessing will eat non stop if given the opportunity and am realizing that without portion control that she is going to end up a very unhealthy young lady. These were huge Costco hot dogs!
So, I gave Theo (5ft 4 inches tall and 106lbs) a whole hot dog and Blessing (49 inches tall and 54lbs) half a hot dog. I told her she could have more if she was still hungry when she was finished.
Well, I guess this is what set off another pouting session. She wouldn't talk to me look at me or even answer me when I asked her if she was full. Theo then informed me that "Blessing is fessed with you."
Side note: Some knowledge of older English words is helpful in understanding Liberian English. "Fessed" is the way they say "vexed" which means angry.
Theo kept trying to get Blessing to answer him as he asked her if she was full and if she wanted more food. Suddenly, I had had enough. I explained to both of them that even if Blessing answered Theo's question, she would not be given anything else to eat until she showed me proper respect and answered me and asked me nicely.
I explained that I was now "fessed" as well. That Blessing had not thanked me for preparing lunch and was treating me badly. Theo said she did this all the time at the foster home and that she was very stubborn. I let him know that I was stubborn too.
Well, Blessing stewed for a while. About an hour later Theo had some chocolate milk and she asked him for some. I reminded her kindly and gently that she was not having anymore food until dinner unless she talked to me and was respectful.
She lasted another half an hour after that before she asked very nicely for more hot dog and after that she returned to her happy thankful chatty self.
I love that little girl so much, but she is going to need some pretty firm guidance to be able to function with people.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
A Beautiful Prayer
Prayers are usually beautiful. We are a praying family. We have family prayer in the morning and we pray over our meals.
Theo and Blessing have been taught to pray as well and they have been included in our prayer rotation. I am afraid I was the only one understanding them. Kyle mentioned that he thought they were both just repeating the same thing the other day. I let him know that Theo had prayed for Chole's return to good health and for the children waiting in the foster home.
The rapid fire nature of their praying left the rest of the family out of the sweetness and sincerity of their prayers. Perhaps because I am with them all day, I was the only one enjoying them.
Well, this morning, Theo gave our family prayer. He said the same sort of thoughtful things that I have been hearing, but perhaps because of the prayers he has been hearing, he slowed way down for the first 2/3 of that prayer. He spoke clearly and used his best "American English."
Getting up from my knees I saw Kyle smile and tell Theo what a nice job he does of praying. It made me happy that our families "spiritual language" is becoming more in sync.
Theo and Blessing have been taught to pray as well and they have been included in our prayer rotation. I am afraid I was the only one understanding them. Kyle mentioned that he thought they were both just repeating the same thing the other day. I let him know that Theo had prayed for Chole's return to good health and for the children waiting in the foster home.
The rapid fire nature of their praying left the rest of the family out of the sweetness and sincerity of their prayers. Perhaps because I am with them all day, I was the only one enjoying them.
Well, this morning, Theo gave our family prayer. He said the same sort of thoughtful things that I have been hearing, but perhaps because of the prayers he has been hearing, he slowed way down for the first 2/3 of that prayer. He spoke clearly and used his best "American English."
Getting up from my knees I saw Kyle smile and tell Theo what a nice job he does of praying. It made me happy that our families "spiritual language" is becoming more in sync.
The Ice Cracked Last Night!
I am not talking about our ridiculously painful cold weather either!!!
Last night Kyle took Zach and Theo to scouts. I have been a bit concerned about Zach's failure to associate or try to make friends with his new brother and sister. I thought for sure the fact that Blessing runs to him and hugs him when he gets home would melt him a little, but he has continued to keep his distance.
Who knew that the magic melting point would come from a game of steal the bacon! Theo has been assigned to the same patrol as Zachary. There are two patrols in the troop. They have friendly competition and last night they ended the meeting with a game of steal the bacon.
Zachary came home just thrilled that they had won the game and a trip to the local gas station for treats. He was full of praise for Theo's "lightening speed."
This morning during reading, Zach noticed that Theo has started the Harry Potter books. He was anxious to share with Theo that we have the movie and that they should watch it. He also added that he had a Harry Potter video game that he would show him when he got back from school.
There is a little warm glow in my heart right now.
Last night Kyle took Zach and Theo to scouts. I have been a bit concerned about Zach's failure to associate or try to make friends with his new brother and sister. I thought for sure the fact that Blessing runs to him and hugs him when he gets home would melt him a little, but he has continued to keep his distance.
Who knew that the magic melting point would come from a game of steal the bacon! Theo has been assigned to the same patrol as Zachary. There are two patrols in the troop. They have friendly competition and last night they ended the meeting with a game of steal the bacon.
Zachary came home just thrilled that they had won the game and a trip to the local gas station for treats. He was full of praise for Theo's "lightening speed."
This morning during reading, Zach noticed that Theo has started the Harry Potter books. He was anxious to share with Theo that we have the movie and that they should watch it. He also added that he had a Harry Potter video game that he would show him when he got back from school.
There is a little warm glow in my heart right now.
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